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Added: Antoino Carrington - Date: 23.11.2021 19:20 - Views: 19645 - Clicks: 9227

It was the sixteenth of September, I was at a party with friends, outdoors on a hot summer evening. In the Northwest we get an Indian summer, and September is my favorite time of the year. It was a perfect day—high 70s, but with a soft breeze. The trees over my head were making that swishing sound they do when they flirt with the wind.

In the middle of a conversation, I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

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She was a vision of long, curly black hair and deep, almond-shaped eyes, and she was walking toward me. Girls make me nervous. I'm clumsy and awkward on a good day. And this girl—well, let's just say all my fine motor skills went out the window. I'm sure I was staring. Heck, I was probably drooling. I dropped a pen I'd been fiddling with.

I'm such a klutz. I was hooked. There was something about her smile. It was warm and disarming. She was calm. Everything I'm not. And she was beautiful. I mean, crazy, over-the-top, don't-even-try-or-you-will-make-a-fool-of-yourself beautiful. Everything after the pen is hazy. I'm sure I muddled through a short dialogue and embarrassed myself. But I remember I didn't sleep that night. She took over my mind. Her troops marched in and colonized my imagination. All I could think about was seeing her again. And he was right. It was an impetuous thing to say.

I barely knew her. But that didn't matter for one simple reason: I was in love. I had no clue what was coming around the bend. No idea that our picture-perfect romance would be followed by a less-than-ideal marriage. That my entire paradigm for our relationship was seriously off-kilter. That hard stuff was brewing on the horizon. At this point in my story, I was awash in feelings of romantic Women want sex Comer, tension, mystery, allure.

I was in love, deeper than I'd ever been. Drowning, and loving every minute of it. The way we use the word is so broad, so generic, that I'm not sure we understand it anymore. How should we define love? To some, love is tolerance. I hear this all the time in my city. The idea is that rather than judge people, we should "love" them. And what people mean is that we shouldn't call out something as wrong. After all, as long as it's not hurting anybody, who are we to judge? And while this sounds nice, and forward, and progressive, it doesn't work for me.

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's apathy. And there's a Women want sex Comer line between tolerance and apathy. To many of us, love is passion for a thing. It's the word we call on to conjure up all our feelings of affection. We love hiking, or we love that new record by the band you've never heard of, or we love chips and guac. When we aim the word at peoplewe usually mean the exact same thing.

When we say we love someone, we mean we have deep feelings of affection because they make us feel alive all over again—adventurous, brave, happy. Love, by this definition, is pure, unfiltered emotion. And your role in love is passive. It's something that happens to you. Think of the phrase "fall in love. And it's fantastic. But there's a dark underbelly to feeling this kind of romantic love.

If we can fall into it, then we can fall out of it. What happens when the emotions fade or disappear? What happens when someone else makes you feel even more alive? Then you have a serious problem on your hands. But what if you're engaged? Do you stay together, even though you're not "in love" anymore? Or do you go the way of the 50 percent? I believe that marriage is for life.

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Remember what Jesus said? And we find that redefinition in the Scriptures. There's a letter in the New Testament called 1 John. It was written by a guy named—well, I'm sure you figured that part out. John was one of Jesus' disciples. He spent three years with Love-incarnate, and he was known as "the disciple whom Jesus loved. John's definition of love is blatant and clear-cut—"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

If you want to know what love looks like, don't look at a dictionary. Look at a Jewish prophet crucified outside Jerusalem. Look at God in the flesh, giving his life away for the world.

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Don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that Jesus was feeling something in that moment.

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It was "for the joy set before him" that "he endured the cross. Notice that John uses the word love as both a noun and a verb. When it comes to the feeling of love, you're in the passenger seat.

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As I said before, your role is passive. But with the action of love, you're at the wheel. Your role is active. It's something you do. And the feeling of love isn't bad. There's nothing wrong with romantic feelings. The first song Adam's poem in Genesis 2and the longest song Song of Songs are both celebrations of romantic love. If you are "in love"—enjoy it. We are emotional creatures. God made us that way. Romantic feelings are a gift from the Creator God. But at its root, feelings can be selfish.

Behind all the flowers and poetry and twitterpation, there's a narcissist hiding in the closet. When we say "I love you," what we often mean is, "When I'm around you, I feel happy. You make me feel better about myself. Comfortable in my own skin. Love, the action, the verbis a whole other story. At its core, love—as defined by Jesus on the cross—is self-giving.

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Over and over again, the authors of the New Testament point to Jesus' death on the cross as the ultimate act of self-giving love. In another place, John writes, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son The prolific author Paul writes that God "did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all And in Paul's mind, Jesus' death is the model for how a man is to love a woman. Later he writes, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her I love the story in The Gospel of John where Jesus washes the disciples' feet.

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Loveology: God. Love. Marriage. Sex. And the Never-Ending Story of Male and Female.