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That was before the day I saw you walking to class in your short skirt and hiking boots; before I pointed to you across the room and told my confused roommate that you were "the one"; before you surprised me by ordering a shot of tequila on our first date; before the beautiful cold Christmas we spent at your mother's house in New York; before we decided to try living together; before London; before the breakup.
When you came to see me in Oregon, it was like before and I thought maybe we had another chance, but you left again as lightly as the wind. As time went by, and out of respect for my new marriage, I got rid of all the pictures.
I told myself as my children grew up that the memories were nothing more than ghosts. I learned to measure our young days together against the sum total of my life's experiences. But over all the years, and after trying to lock out your spirit, I still couldn't stop quietly hoping that someday I would look into your eyes and hear your voice again. Funny, but I sort of thought you knew, someday, at least just one more time.
If only I would have been able to tell you how often I thought of you, then maybe you would have ed. Maybe you would have ed, and we would have talked, that afternoon when you felt that you were out of all other options. Maybe if I had told you, then I wouldn't be sitting here now, 25 years later, trying to make sense of the fact that I really won't be seeing you again. Love, if somehow these thoughts make it to you, maybe by the grace of whatever brought us together way back then, I wish for you to know that I will never forget what we had, and I will miss you dearly.
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