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Yes, I've dated my share of jerks, but I still don't ever freak myself out over imaginary goings-ons. It isn't worth it. It's more likely it won't happen than it. You're making a mountain out of a molehill, and feeding those fears by reading more and more about it on the internet.
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Trust is the feeling that the ground be there, the other person won't harm me or if they do, they be there. I know for a fact I have misplaced trust and I have given it out in places that to people who sky dive or free climb would consider crazy. But it works for me. I like this. Control is difficult to express for me. There is control that I give in a sort of proactive way, a scene for example. And then there is a control that honestly I cannot direct.
That's probably the scariest kind. When realize that I am so far gone that I know they could ask anything of me and I'd do it. I can feel it when I look at them. It's both invigorating and terrifying all at the same time. It's rare. I should probably be grateful for that fact and yet, I can't say that I am.
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